The whys

I was asked recently why I blog. It sprung up out of my livejournal days, when I found that putting things in writing gave them a permanence, and helps to hold me accountable. Plenty of people have written about the importance of writing down your goals and the benefits of it. What I don't see often written about is the joy I get in going back and rereading my own posts. Seeing how much I have changed, survived, messed up and kept going anyway, and my ability to laugh at myself, shows a strength that I often forget I possess.

The final reason is the advice and feedback I get from readers, or when you reach out for help is wonderful, and that too keeps me moving forward as a person, so I can keep evolving.

Post steroid self

Due to ongoing health issues I have been on steroids for about two years. I am in the process of weaning off of them and coming off the steroids is doing wonders for my self esteem. I may not feel pretty commonplace, but I feel like I am looking closer to pretty commonplace than I have in almost a decade. I am actually doing fancy things like my nails, and my hair. I spoiled my skin with a mask last night.

So what has changed? The steroids had left me with a "moon face" and "buffalo hump". These are basically fat deposits on the face, and mid upper back. My features are sharper again. My clothes fitting better (although this may have had something to do with my recent closet declutter as well).

I am not cringing and hiding from mirrors any more. I might even hang a full length one. This my friends, is progress.

What is my style?

Over the years I have really struggled with settling on a style. I naturally lean toward eclectic, but that often leads me to spending money on lots of individual items that I like, but no outfits that look good together. I think this has been one of the things that has held me back for so long with my decluttering.

I really did LOVE that one funky skirt. It fit, and was in decent condition. However I had NOTHING to wear with it. So it sat in my closet, waiting for me to find the rest of the outfit to purchase. For 3 years. Three years of me looking at it wondering why I spent the money. Three years of it getting knocked down in my overstuffed closet, and going through the wash even though I had not worn it, but found it buried in a pile of shoes. Three years seriously considering throwing good money after bad to make one outfit - which could not have been worn with anything else. Now luckily in this case at least it was a thrift store find, so I was out less than $5 for my poor choice. Now it has been donated and can be someone else's poor choice. Or maybe they have already found their style and it fits with their wardrobe.

After going through and donating everything that did not fit  and tossing everything that was damaged I looked at what remained. 90% of it I really liked. 80% of it formed outfits. There were a few outliers, like that funky skirt, that I just finally gave up on, but mostly what was left gave me a good picture of the style I am most comfortable in.

In that serendipitous way of the internet and the universe, during this process I came across a style quiz from Julep which was kind enough to label me as  which I think labels what my closet showed me rather nicely.

This post contains referral links. 

Decluttering is not always hell.

Decluttering is usually hell for me. This round has been significantly less so for me. I am not sure that is because of better living through pharmacology or my genuine growth as a human being. Either way hooray for letting go of things that don't fit, are too worn out to be worn in public or that I really just do not like, and have not for long enough that it is just stupid to hold on to.

I have emptied my closet completely. I am still sorting through much of it, but between my discards and that from the kids I am up to twelve bags full to donate.

The best part of all though is that because of this little project I have been doing laundry like mad so that I know what I can afford to get rid of. I am almost totally caught up on Mt. Washmore! It is a Polar Vortex miracle.

In defense of flat surfaces

I have a pile problem. My husband is loath to let me get a new table, because he knows it will not take me but a day or two to cover it with stuff. Really though this goes for the floor too. Not hoarder level mind you, not even close. Just enough to make everything look overwhelmed and cluttered.

My closet is a perpetual catch-all for things I don't want to deal with. It is a small walk in, that holds surprisingly more than one might think. Once many years ago I lost a toilet (from a remodel) in there. I wish I was joking.

Tonight before the obligatory new year count down I started to tackle the closet. This is a lot harder for me than I may be able to express. When I am not doing well just thinking about it can lead to a full anxiety attack. Today however was a good day, so I took advantage of it. I grab a bunch of garbage bags, and promised to ruthlessly donate all the clothes that do not fit or that I only like enough to wear when I need to do laundry. This unfortunately contributes to the piles of dirty clothes in the laundry room and the piles of clean laundry waiting to be put away. Sense a theme?

So far I have collected two and a half bags of clothes. I have purged all wire hangers, and organized the rest of the mismatched hangers that I came across. I kept going until the family needed my attention more than the closet did. Hopefully I will have another day soon that is good for me to keep working on it. For today, I made progress.

Here comes the sun

There is something about this time of year. In the darkest of days when I am waiting for the sun. As I daydream of sitting outdoors at a cafe, feeling the breeze against my skin, the sun shining on the people I am watching, while I sip a cup of tea, I can't help but wonder why not. Nothing about this daydream of mine is impossible. Not even with my health. I have been letting so much slide, so much of what I really want and enjoy slide. The reasons I can not do all the things I want are very real. But today, knowing the days are getting longer, brighter again, I am instead focusing on all the small things, the simple wants and joys like this, that I have been letting slide, in the torrent of all the rest of things I can't do.

I am not sure yet where I am going with this. Like most things, I put blogging on hold because I could not give it the daily attention I thought it needed. But if I let go of the expectation, if I just let myself post for the simple enjoyment of it, when I feel like it, isn't that what it is really here for? If you enjoy it too, all the better of course.

I gave into this wild selfishness today. I did my nails. I was not going anywhere. I did not have company coming over. I did it just because I enjoy looking at my hands and seeing it. For some of you this might be a DUH moment. I am so great at playing the martyr. For my family, friends, heck, even myself. But not for my joy.

What simple things bring you pleasure?